There are different definitions of self-sabotage, but the one that impacted me the most was this one: “The act of destroying or damaging something deliberately so that it does not work correctly” That is how I feel about myself when it comes to relationships or getting involved emotionally with someone, I always fuck it up. There is something about my behavior that changes, and it … Continue reading Do you self-sabotage?
So it was my roommate’s birthday, and I wanted to try this for a while. To give a collage as a present, where the person chooses the images, and I represent something afterward. This is how it started. I have images already cut, kept in different boxes, so it is very easy to choose. A joint and Apolo are always part of the picture. . Continue reading Making a collage as a present for someone with images I recycle and they choose
I think about Chip often, and I ask myself if maybe I overreacted. The thing is that he made me feel upset. I needed something from someone who couldn´t give me more or didn´t want to. I´m always telling my friends to surround themselves with people who have a positive effect on their lives. Sometimes we need to listen to ourselves when we advise others. … Continue reading What if…?
First, I had Netflix for a couple of years until I was bored of it. Then I subscribed for the free trial for HBO, and after the first month, I decided to keep it. During 2020 and the Covid surprise, I ended up having both at the same time. Last December, I was trying to save money as well as using my time in a … Continue reading Netflix, HBO or Amazon Video Prime?
This month was full of ups and downs, emotionally speaking.We are very busy at work, but the moving of location is not fully confirmed yet, and we can all feel the stress in the air. We are still closed to the students and continue the online lessons until Feb 7th. However, it looks like a lockdown is coming, Covid cases in Spain continue to increase. … Continue reading The Ups and Downs of January 2021
I´m always asking myself this type of question. I was depressed for many years and it was difficult to enjoy life in general. Now that I´m older, I found many tools that help me appreciate life and I don´t feel depressed anymore. However, I´m always analyzing my behavior, is like constantly checking for red flags, in case that feeling becomes overwhelming again. So whenever something … Continue reading Why do we do the things we do?
I liked this guy, but he is too complicated and he is giving me a headache. I don´t quite understand his behavior, but is definitely passive aggressive. He doesn´t say no to see me, but he is always too busy to arrange a day and makes sure to emphasize how little important I ‘am. If you want to see someone, you make the time for … Continue reading Man can easily give me a fucking headache
So December 2020 was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, but not in a negative way. I created the Worldpress account on a Saturday and by Sunday I had the website live. I started to write very personal posts, I felt like a fucking machine. I guess that´s what its like to feel inspired. All sort of things were coming out, like stories from 10 … Continue reading Get out of your comfort zone
I’m talking about something very specific, our friend who visits us every month. Each time is different, some months I don’t have any pain, my emotions are in place and some months is a Greek tragedy. January feels that way. The physical pain is bearable, but my emotions are out of balance. I feel like nothing makes sense and is really hard to leave my … Continue reading It’s difficult being a woman
Of course, that when I’m not high I´m much faster and sharp, but overall I can manage to do anything. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t drive or put myself or others at risk. But I talk about the everyday routines, walks, cooking, cleaning, doing my collages, doing laundry. All those activities that you know by heart already. However, sometimes I wonder how much weed … Continue reading I´m a highly-functional smoker
So today I was going back to work after the Christmas holidays. I was having mix feelings. On one hand I was happy to go back, but on the other hand I was feeling super lazy. Is very cold in Barcelona. Who doesn’t love staying in bed in winter? This is the first time ever I have a part time job and I’m definitely underpay. … Continue reading Starting 2021
I never wanted to tell my parents I was molested when I was a child. I tried to protect them from the pain. A therapist once asked me: “Who was protecting young Cata love when the abuse was happening?”. I was the child and they were the adults. She said I kept inverting the roles. I kept it as a secret for so many years. … Continue reading Blogging is saving me thousands on therapy
Today I was down when I woke up. It was difficult to get out of bed. I was hungry, but I couldn’t move. I was cuddling Apolo and it felt so good I wanted to last forever. I had that feeling of sadness and laziness. I just wanted to stay in a horizontal position all day long. One therapist once said to me “Don´t let … Continue reading Horizonal position
No idea how this year will be. Is a different world and my life is different as well. It will take a while until we go back to the “normal life” , but what if that life never comes back? Before the pandemic I always had this feeling that something was going to happen. The world was becoming more and more fucked up, it was … Continue reading Welcome 2021
It´s the third year on a road. Since I settled down in Barcelona in 2017. Prior to Bcn, I have always spent New Years with roommates, co-workers, in parties. There were always people involved. There´s a beauty in having this privacy. Usually New Years are kind of emotional for me. Not in a way bad, but I get more introvert. This year have made changes … Continue reading I actually like spending New Years by myself
It was 2011, after being heartbroken, I was too emotionally drained to pack my bags and leave again. So I stayed in my home country for a year and a half. I rented an apartment in Palermo, Buenos Aires with one of my best friends. He was gay and called me “his marida”. I worked for almost a year in an HR job and things … Continue reading The time I had a gun pointed at my head and I was still fired from the fucking Coffee Chain
If if was difficult to find a partner pre-pandemic, how difficult is it going to be post-pandemic? Don´t you feel lonely sometimes? Is always me against the world, but I wonder how would it feel if it was us? Maybe we should start dating with a mask on. But did you notice how much of a difference it makes when you can see someone´s full … Continue reading Are we now dating with a mask on?
Today is December 25th of 2020. Due to Covid 19, for the last couple of months we have a mandatory lockdown from 10pm to 6am. Yesterday it was December 24th and the government allowed us to be back at 1am. I always spent Christmas with my Spanish family, but this year I spent it with friends. I cooked a very nice vegan dinner: seitan with … Continue reading Barcelona has changed…
This year has been different for sure, not just for me, but for the world. I finished 2019 with hopes that 2020 would be better, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. For many people it has been a nightmare, lost of families and friends, lost of their business, and the lost of hope in general. For me it has been different, but … Continue reading Christmas day 2020
I started this year being on the edge of an emotional breakdown. I had a corporate job that I worked really hard to get. It was the job that I thought would be my dream job. I actually hated everything about it. Back on January 2020, I was trying really hard not to show my disappointment at work and I’m a good actress. It was … Continue reading January 2020 versus December 2020
I´m 39 years old and I do not need human babies in my life. Don´t get me wrong, I love kids, they are cute, innocent, fun, but I don´t need to have one of my own. I look at my cat and he gives me all the love I need. Is difficult to understand why some women think that the only way of being complete … Continue reading What if my cat satisfies my maternal instinct?
Well, Cata was a beautiful, grey, little chubby cat that I rescued from the streets when she was 2 months old. I always had cats, but Cata was my first very own feline. I just settled down in Barcelona, got an apartment that allowed pets and Cata one day unexpectedly showed up in my life. Cata died when she was 3 years. During the 2020 … Continue reading What the fuck is Cata love?
Why not? For me, is a perfect plan. I´m used to being alone, although I live with my cat and he is the best partner to be honest. I have always kept a distance between me and other people. I´m not attached to people, family or friends. I can easily live with a huge ocean in between us and not be upset about it. The … Continue reading Sunday Morning joint while wearing lingerie by myself at home
Back on 2003-2004, I was young and I wanted to travel really bad. I come from a country where the local currency is shit, so travelling around the world was a difficult dream to accomplish. I was going through a difficult time and I was very depressed. I saw a psychiatrist who put me on heavy medication right away. It didn´t feel right. Medication didn´t … Continue reading The time I got a job at a ski resort without never seeing snow in my life.
If you ask me a number, I have no fucking idea. I tried once to make a list, but I had so many one night stands that I lost track. Alcohol was heavily involved and sex was mediocre, so does this even count? Of course it does, but it goes straight to the “black list of fucks”. People might ask: If you were molested as … Continue reading What if I don’t know how many guys I fucked
For many years, I went out partying, drunk tons and fast and I would black-out completely. The fucked-up thing was that I would be dancing, talking, fucking, and doing who knows what else, but on a conscious mental level I did not know what I was doing. I think it was back in 2007. I was working abroad, I recently broke up with my ex … Continue reading The night I got fucked up in Lake Tahoe
Well, I never ever thought in a million years that I would be blogging. But I also never ever thought that I would be this age, and I would still struggle with the same shit. What do I talk about when I say shit? I talk about the feeling of not fitting in. I look like everybody else, but I always feel out of place. … Continue reading Why are you blogging?
I’m from all over the world. I deal with depression and anxiety every day. I’m a cannabis user. This blog is part of my personal journey, I do not intend to give advices or any kind of shit. I’m a non-stop thinker and that drives me fucking crazy. I believe that I might be at the edge of an emotional breakdown. Blogging seemed like a … Continue reading Why the fuck I´m here