There are different definitions of self-sabotage, but the one that impacted me the most was this one:
“The act of destroying or damaging something deliberately so that it does not work correctly”
That is how I feel about myself when it comes to relationships or getting involved emotionally with someone, I always fuck it up. There is something about my behavior that changes, and it makes me feel like a broken machine.
Sometimes the other person is not worth it, so it works out to my advantage. But sometimes the other person could have been good to me, but I never gave it a chance.
Because I know that I behave erratically, I do my best to avoid getting involved. But you cannot always hide. Sometimes I meet someone, and it happens all over again.
When you picture yourself in the future, do you picture it with someone or by yourself?
This is how I picture myself:
Living in a nice place, surrounded by cats, all kinds of cats, kittens, elderly, special needs, any cat that needs a home.
That thought makes me truly happy. Of course, that in my head I have a big house, just for myself, with a room for my collages, a room for my cats, another one for my cannabis indoors, lots of green, and a swimming pool if possible.
There are no human babies, there is no partner, is just me and my cats.
And is beautiful💖