Why is it so difficult to connect?

I know this guy for 2 or 3 years. He works at one of my cannabis clubs. Every time I went to the club, I looked at him closely. He is tall and very thin.

At the beginning what I noticed the most was how heavily tattooed he was: his neck, his head, his hands. Whenever I stopped by the club I wondered if he was working or not.

The 2020 quarantine happened, the clubs were closed for a while and then re-opened. He was smiling at me more. He asked me more questions and I was curious about him.

I´m usually very low profile at my cannabis clubs so I didn´t feel it was the right place to start talking. I found him on instagram and we started to chat.

The connection happened right away, it was flowing nicely. He picked me up from work one afternoon and we went out for lunch. It was very nice, I thought he was even cuter and we finished the day with a kiss.

I wasn´t used to that. I don´t spend time with man like that. I just fuck guys.

He came over for dinner one night. I haven´t cooked for a man in over 10 years, but I really wanted to do it.

The night was perfect, we fucked and I liked him even more.

The last time I was in a relationship was back on 2014. It´s been a long time since I don´t connect with anybody.

I only interact on a sexual level. I´ve been seeing this other guy for more than 3 years now, however we don´t see each other often. He comes over to my house, we fuck and he leaves. We don´t talk much, I don´t think we like each others personalities, but the sex is good and neither needs more.

But with him it felt different, or maybe I thought it could be different.

We saw each other for a couple of months, but it started to slow down more and more. He had a lot of projects going on and was too busy to see me.

I wanted to tell him that I also have many projects going on and we could share our stories.

I wanted to tell him that I didn´t need a label, I just wanted to get to know him a bit more.

For the first time in a long time, I felt like cooking him a nice meal and just talk about our day.

None of that happened.

6 thoughts on “Why is it so difficult to connect?

    1. I would have loved to share more things with him. His projects are similar to mine and it could have been fun. But no, he hasn’t spoken to me in a couple of weeks, and I don’t want to be the one who always initiate the conversation.

      Liked by 1 person

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